Photography, Rachel Byrne
Josiah Caluori @ Wilhelmina London
Menswear, COS
Learning more about myself
It’s been five months since I’ve left school, and it’s been nice. I’ve been learning more about myself – the fact that I am more of an introvert than an extrovert. Because I had so much time alone – my friends had gone to uni, I just started going out by myself and I enjoyed it. I’d go to coffee shops, and I went to a baking class in Borough Market on a Sunday morning – we made cinna-buns. I literally ate them all on the way home – there was eight of them [laughs]. That’s how I discovered I was an introvert. Before it was like a safety blanket, where I felt like I always needed to have people around me; but now I don’t. Being able to be on my own, and be comfortable on my own – I wouldn’t have it any other way. To be able to be on your own and still have as much of a good time is a superpower, because you can keep doing what you want to do. You can keep having fun, and you don’t have to rely on other people.
We made cinna-buns. I literally ate them all on the way home – there was eight of them.
“
Just letting things happen
I’m in this middle ground of time before I have uni again, because I’m on a gap year and I’m just letting things happen and just seeing where I end up – just letting stuff happen and just enjoying what comes my way. I fell like before, it was all about grades. When I work towards something, I always put my all into it, so I’m kind of enjoying this space of not having anything to work towards. Just chilling and just ‘being’.
I don’t always take the advice
My friend Ashley is a really big bookworm. We switched books, read them and then spoke about them and since then I’ve been reading a lot more. I like books that teach you about your body, and self-improvement; whether that’s mentally, financially or emotionally – those kinds of books really interest me. Even if I don’t always take the advice [laughs] it sticks in my brain and I can use it later.
How you could react in a situation instead of how you are reacting
My mum is a psychiatric therapist so me and my brother have always been brought up to speak about our emotions and be quite open, so I feel like it’s it’s never been a point of difficulty in terms of being able to reflect and improve the way I deal with things. For example, if I don’t like the way I reacted to something, or if I internalised it, or if I feel like I took it out on myself, being able to reflect on that is leaning to my faith. Because I’m Christian I read the bible a lot and sometimes I read things and I’m able to relate it back to my life and think ‘oh, that’s how I’m meant to act in that situation’. Then when I try to let things go, if I don’t take things out on myself, I feel a lot lighter after, and I feel like reading the bible helps me to reflect and be calm and reflect on my emotions and work with my emotions. Often it provides me with examples of how you could react in a situation instead of how you are reacting. I feel like often that’s quite helpful to me.
it’s quite hard to recognise when a situation that is making you feel bad isn’t your fault.
“
I don’t have to be here
My mum has always been the person to be like ‘…ok but WHY do you feel that way?’
It’s helped me learn and know what’s good for me. For example, in friendships, if something isn’t making me happy, I realise ‘I don’t have to be here.’ It sounds silly but it’s quite hard to recognise when a situation that is making you feel bad isn’t your fault. To have my mum help me from a young age be emotionally aware, I can realise ‘this is making me feel bad – it’s not me making myself feel bad. I don’t want to be in this situation any more, so I will just leave.’
Peace and sense of direction
From life, firstly I just want to have a really good relationship with God. I’ve been Christian since I was eight. I feel like sometimes I turn my back on God in situations when he’s helped me through stuff. When I’m finally in a position that I’m super happy with, I find that I neglect god, and it’s only when I’m down that I remember to pray or remember to call on him. I’d like to have a constant relationship with God because the times when I do are the times when I have the most peace and sense of direction in my life.
Secondly, I do want to work for myself at one point or run a business. Maybe not the first few years of working, but at some point. And just to have a family when I’m older, and that they’re all close and happy. I think also just to be healthy. I think that health is something that is taken for granted.
Not everything is meant for you. Sometimes you wanted to do something, you couldn’t do it, and it’s ok to move on to the next thing.
“
Life advice
It’s a quote but it’s also advice. It’s from the bible. “But the Lord says ‘do not cling to events of the past or dwell on what happened long ago, but watch for the new thing I’m going to do. It’s already happening. You can see it now – I’ll make a road through the wilderness and give you streams of water there.’ ” I have a tendency to always think ‘oh this happened in the past’ and not let go of grudges that I have. I give my friends everything, I give my family everything. I would like to say that I think I’m naturally a nice person but I feel like when someone hurts me, I just try to completely forget about that person, and I want to learn to let go of grudges and let go of past issues. As well, it’s kind of like, not everything is meant for you. Sometimes you wanted to do something, you couldn’t do it, and it’s ok to move on to the next thing. I think that’s good advice – just being able to let go of something and move on with life.
